This week I had the wonderful opportunity of visiting my family back East. I somehow managed to book the role of an intimidating gang leader with a “cage fighter physique” on an early episode of Blue Bloods, airing sometime in September.

Now we all know I’m no stranger to the whole gang leader thing (I actually forgot the name of the show when checking in at CBS Radford!) but when I sized up the other choices present at the audition, I couldn’t help but tell myself to take this one with a grain of salt. I have been making the rounds this year, scoring a dozen or so
auditions for very similiar roles, however this particular one called for a specific body type/look. I was positive that a friend of mine would just blow everybody else out of the water (including me) and even told him this on the way out.

Alas, my old saying regarding the casting process: “This is God’s Game.” has clearly rang true. My girlfriend and I shared quite a laugh the night before going on tape, “With my luck, I will probably get this thing, since it’s a local hire and having to travel to New York on a moment’s notice, PLUS bounce around the city in and out of hotels will be EXACTLY the kind of job I need right now.”

Well kid, ya got what you asked for.

As time goes on, I think I’ve located the pulse of destiny which I believe exists inside the casting room. I had this vague sense that I was just a little ahead of everybody else, despite being severely outmatched in terms of what the breakdown stated was required for the role. I woke up just a little earlier that day, I studied less, barely rehearsed. (about half a page of dialogue in the 2 scenes I was to read)

But somehow, when I fell into my habit of pacing like a tiger outside of the casting office while Nora looks at me like I’m a lunatic, or darting in and out of the bathroom to pretend to wash my hands, only to spit my dialogue at rapid speed in the bathroom stall, I felt this unusual calm. I normally get a burst of courage just moments before slating, but this was different.

It was like a quieting warmth, I never know if I’m going to be the best there is, but on this day, I really knew I was giving the best I have.

As quick as it came, as quick as they all do, it was over even quicker.

It never occurred to me that I would remember this role forever, due to what it would enable me to accomplish in my personal life. I received an offer for the role the next day, a Friday. Unfortunately, that’s when the part of my job that is normally the easiest became a logistical nightmare.

I was told to be in New York by Tuesday the latest, which gave me about one business day to get my finances in order and figure out where I was staying for the next 10 or so nights. Despite the stress, I was grateful to have such a wonderful problem.

After about a dozen phone calls to my incredible team at MSI Management, I had everything I needed for my trip. At this point all I needed to do was to call my Uncle and tell him which terminal to pick me up at the lovely hour of 5:30 AM.

I’ve been in New York since Thursday, sleeping at my grandparent’s house in New Jersey.

These last 4 days have been some of the most amazing, rewarding, simply magnificent days of my life.

I have never felt so admired, so humbled, so loved or so proud in all of my adult life. I am truly blessed to be able to be a part of such a unique and special Family. In my career, the rewards are endless, everyone knows the money is ridiculous. But the bonus that this project provided: The chance to repair the results of years spent away from the people I love most, was simply priceless.

It just so happens that turning 27 marks the year that a lot of the most important men and women from my childhood will enter their 50’s, 60’s or 70’s. Now, this is something that has caused me quite a headache. My mother has now picked up the habit of reminding me that she is 50 years old, when she is not.

Before I left, I started to write a note to leave with my grandparents,
at the time of writing this I haven’t quite finished it, but here is a part that I would like to share with you all:

If there is Divine Design,
behind a Family chain,
then truly,
we are all gifts in a line,
the pressures and weights of our lives,
while they might shift time to time,
just like links in a chain,
we bear the tension together,
I hold my brothers and sisters in place,
and my parents hold mine.

I gain both my strength and my name,
from my parents who birth me,
and support me with their grace,
most have just just a mother and father,
some less,

But I am a special case.
My father’s loss, I mourn,
but when I look upon my mother,
surely a Woman so great,
did more then her part, still to this day,
she filled my father’s place.

I have made it this far, so I can only go farther,
with a family like mine, who’s love is so great
this year I’ve gained a brother and sister,
2 mothers and fathers,
never again will I be afraid,
to leap for my dreams with no rope to hold me,
no, that is not what they’ll throw me, I will be saved
by a chain.

I worried a decade away, could not be regained,
was not there when I could be,
and for that I am ashamed.
But when my worries were worst and I thought I would break, I came home to my family
and they shared in the strain.
I never imagined so much, was always right here to claim,
I gained a brother and sister, 2 mothers and fathers, all in a matter of days.

—
-FCC

This week I had a shot at one of the (in my opinion) greatest upcoming shows of the year. This isn’t a rare occasion, since I am blessed to be working with an incredible agent who knows exactly how I work and what I want to work on. However, it is definitely rare that I want a role as badly as I wanted this one.

I’ve made it quite clear to anyone who ever cared to ask that the majority of work I do on television is strictly for financial stability, in an industry where steady work for a guy like me is a myth at best. I wanted this show with every fiber and molecule of my body, my soul hurt at just the idea of working in this world..

I really want to just blurt the name out there but I can’t. It would hurt too much. I’m still bleeding over this show and the wound isn’t going to close anytime soon. Rightfully so, since it revolves around a subject so near and dear to me, that it felt like Divine Design the moment I read the sides. When I get an audition like this, I experience a phenomenon I like to call “The Storm”.

To me, a show like this is the emotional equivalent of a hurricane warning. I’ve got to quickly wipe my slate clean of anything else that I had going on, evacuate if you will, my entire life of all other business and concerns. This is it, I’m on a clock to change my life. I’ve got to accept the fact that this thing is coming in a matter of hours, it is going to reshape my entire world for better or worse whether I like it or not and every little thing I do leading up to the minute I walk into that room is a life and death decision.

Before you know it, the Storm is in full swing, I can’t help but become attached to my possible future. I think of all the work that this one show could generate, all of the problems the money could solve, all of the problems the money could bring. Now don’t get me wrong, I have heard people describe all sorts of challenges, some far greater, as Storms. But my Storm is unique. It’s formation is totally unpredictable, it can start as a breeze and within weeks, or even hours, form a Tornado. It can last for days or only minutes, but its potential for destruction is always awesome..

I literally go deaf to the world around me as the thunderous sounds of what could be, block out everything else I can hear. I can’t hold a conversation for more than a few minutes without totally blanking out, daydreaming of not only working, but of all the things possible were I to land this role. It becomes a battle to keep my mouth shut, I have to do my best to avoid telling my family about the role lest I increase the effects of the Storm tenfold.

Of course, my mother being the most optimistic woman in the universe, gleefully runs directly into the rain, dancing and swimming in the Storm with no doubt in her mind that her son will ALWAYS succeed, or in the case of me losing the role, in her words: “If you didn’t get this one, it’s because a BETTER one is right around the corner.”

I find that most of my friends, whether they are fellow Actors or not, will take a similar approach when I tell them “I’ve got a meeting tomorrow for *** ******* ****, I’m so excited, this is the one man.” Of course, to them this is just an amazing opportunity, something to be grateful for just to have a chance at, or to some its just a job interview, nothing to beat myself up about too much.

But this was so much more.

To be in the position I am in, at 27 years old with no GED, full of tattooed pride and no trained discernible talent other than a magnificent penchant for Lying, an audition like this is a battlefield. I arrive armed with nothing but my past as my weapon. I stride across the bodies of teachers, agents, police, former friends who look just like me but who are now in prison, victims of their own Storms.

I have no idea how I am going to win this battle, all I know is I am going to fight. I am going to pour every memory, every dream and every story that I have ever known into this small room filled with people (and if I’m lucky, a camera). I’m going to make sure that the Storm ends here or die trying.

Everything I prepared before this moment and everything I have to gain after means nothing if I don’t defeat this monster right here and now. As I near the eye of the Storm I can hear the agonizing cries of my detractors, lying on the ground defeated but still speaking to me through my worst fears, begging me to just forget this line, miss this note. But as always, I see my family.

While others run and hide seeking shelter from the Storm, my mother and sister, both veterans themselves, stand right next to me, invisible to all but me. I am filled with an eerie confidence from out of nowhere, the kind that can only be gained when in the presence of those with unshakable faith.

I know I will win this, these clouds will dissipate and we will remain. Ready for the next Storm, we will survive the storm till morning.

—
-FCC

Here’s a few pictures of Francis in London! Hope you enjoy! (Pics from Comicpalooza will be added later.)