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Survive the Storm Till Morning:

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This week I had a shot at one of the (in my opinion) greatest upcoming shows of the year. This isn’t a rare occasion, since I am blessed to be working with an incredible agent who knows exactly how I work and what I want to work on. However, it is definitely rare that I want a role as badly as I wanted this one.

I’ve made it quite clear to anyone who ever cared to ask that the majority of work I do on television is strictly for financial stability, in an industry where steady work for a guy like me is a myth at best. I wanted this show with every fiber and molecule of my body, my soul hurt at just the idea of working in this world..

I really want to just blurt the name out there but I can’t. It would hurt too much. I’m still bleeding over this show and the wound isn’t going to close anytime soon. Rightfully so, since it revolves around a subject so near and dear to me, that it felt like Divine Design the moment I read the sides. When I get an audition like this, I experience a phenomenon I like to call “The Storm”.

To me, a show like this is the emotional equivalent of a hurricane warning. I’ve got to quickly wipe my slate clean of anything else that I had going on, evacuate if you will, my entire life of all other business and concerns. This is it, I’m on a clock to change my life. I’ve got to accept the fact that this thing is coming in a matter of hours, it is going to reshape my entire world for better or worse whether I like it or not and every little thing I do leading up to the minute I walk into that room is a life and death decision.

Before you know it, the Storm is in full swing, I can’t help but become attached to my possible future. I think of all the work that this one show could generate, all of the problems the money could solve, all of the problems the money could bring. Now don’t get me wrong, I have heard people describe all sorts of challenges, some far greater, as Storms. But my Storm is unique. It’s formation is totally unpredictable, it can start as a breeze and within weeks, or even hours, form a Tornado. It can last for days or only minutes, but its potential for destruction is always awesome..

I literally go deaf to the world around me as the thunderous sounds of what could be, block out everything else I can hear. I can’t hold a conversation for more than a few minutes without totally blanking out, daydreaming of not only working, but of all the things possible were I to land this role. It becomes a battle to keep my mouth shut, I have to do my best to avoid telling my family about the role lest I increase the effects of the Storm tenfold.

Of course, my mother being the most optimistic woman in the universe, gleefully runs directly into the rain, dancing and swimming in the Storm with no doubt in her mind that her son will ALWAYS succeed, or in the case of me losing the role, in her words: “If you didn’t get this one, it’s because a BETTER one is right around the corner.”

I find that most of my friends, whether they are fellow Actors or not, will take a similar approach when I tell them “I’ve got a meeting tomorrow for *** ******* ****, I’m so excited, this is the one man.” Of course, to them this is just an amazing opportunity, something to be grateful for just to have a chance at, or to some its just a job interview, nothing to beat myself up about too much.

But this was so much more.

To be in the position I am in, at 27 years old with no GED, full of tattooed pride and no trained discernible talent other than a magnificent penchant for Lying, an audition like this is a battlefield. I arrive armed with nothing but my past as my weapon. I stride across the bodies of teachers, agents, police, former friends who look just like me but who are now in prison, victims of their own Storms.

I have no idea how I am going to win this battle, all I know is I am going to fight. I am going to pour every memory, every dream and every story that I have ever known into this small room filled with people (and if I’m lucky, a camera). I’m going to make sure that the Storm ends here or die trying.

Everything I prepared before this moment and everything I have to gain after means nothing if I don’t defeat this monster right here and now. As I near the eye of the Storm I can hear the agonizing cries of my detractors, lying on the ground defeated but still speaking to me through my worst fears, begging me to just forget this line, miss this note. But as always, I see my family.

While others run and hide seeking shelter from the Storm, my mother and sister, both veterans themselves, stand right next to me, invisible to all but me. I am filled with an eerie confidence from out of nowhere, the kind that can only be gained when in the presence of those with unshakable faith.

I know I will win this, these clouds will dissipate and we will remain. Ready for the next Storm, we will survive the storm till morning.


-FCC

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  1. hi,Francis. im mako from japan. im your big fun.
    but my english is very pooooor, so i couldnt understand all…><;

    i saw you huv new show! its really good news!!

    good luck!

  2. The detractors are jealous, envious.. it’s necessary to listen to them and to prove to them that what they have said served you to become stronger and better… better than them.

    a chinese proverb say ” One measures the towers by their shadows and great people by those who envy them ”

    Take Care

    Sabrina(from France)

  3. Francis I’m going to tell you there is no storm. There is only gentle nurturing rain. The storm you feel is the illusion — the fear. The false evidence appearing real. The truth is, EVERYTHING in the Universe loves you. You have the support of the entire Universe before you, and if you could see that (heck, if we all could see that) you would never fret the storm. Now, because you are mesmerized by the illusion of the storm, you don’t see the calm reality for yourself. So we will see it for you, and help to stabilize you in this knowledge: When it’s needed you will have the memories the emotions the insight the composure you need to suceed. The truth is, your mom is right and you cannot fail. No matter what happens. We believe in you.
    Love and Support, Nancy and Rusty

  4. I read the “interview” and this article and I must say that it’s absolutely incredible! The last person I saw as passionate as it speaking of something was my neighbor in los angeles. (Besides, sorry but I like to do a little advertising for this sublime and talented woman http://www.myspace.com/povpom) And until that day, until this message of Francis, I don’t think someone could be as passionate about something as her and TODAY I “found” someone as passionate as her! It’s magical and wonderful to see people speak so fervently for something!

    This is a great news, Francis! Hopefully everything will go for the best in this future new adventure! I hope to see you soon on tv and discover the name and pictures of this mysterious TV project!!!!!!

    All the best, Brian from L.A

  5. [ sure there’s no “)” in the link i left ] It was just an aside! ^^ sorry again!

  6. Your passion is what keeps you going, and one day your passion will be recognized and everything will fall into place for the greatest role you could every imagine (Yes, I sound like your Mom now!). And you know that despite everything, they’ll be people (like me) cheering you one every step of the way while you make that journey.

    Great post, Love to you and the family. xxx

  7. Awesome post.

    And you got this, your mother is correct.

    !!

    ~Rick

  8. Francis, thanks so much for sharing. I pray that you get the job. That’s so exciting that you found something you are very passionate about. I have been a fan of your work and look forward to seeing you more on my screen 🙂

  9. Manuela Lozano says:

    Good luck I hope you get it.

  10. Manuela Lozano says:

    Good luck I hope you get it!

  11. Erica Jusino says:

    I am a huge fan, I came across this site while watching Kazaam, and searching the net for your newest projects. I have to say your words touched me, I know the kind of storm you refer to though everyones is different, we all have them. I wish you the best in all you attempt, your mother is an inspiration, I wonder if i had a mother like her if I could have done more with my own life, but at 25 i’m thankful to still have time to :). Passion like yours for what you do is whats lacking in the acting industry, never lose that. I will keep you and your familia in prayer, and no matter what happens you are truly blessed.

  12. Brilliant blog Francis. I nearly stood up and clapped when I finished reading it. SO there you go *standing ovation* from me!!
    You are fantastic, your Mother is a wise wise woman, and I wish you nothing but the best. I have been a fan of you for years, and will continue to be a fan of you and your work for as long as I live.
    I am always lost for words when I go comment on something you have written, or go to comment about you as a person and an actor. You are the first ray of sunshine after the storm. Your outlook on life and your kindness and humour always leave me smiling.
    Thank you for being you Francis xxxx

  13. Mandy J. says:

    I hope you get what you want.
    I think you’re a great actor.

    Good Luck!

  14. You were one of my favourite characters in VM. I recently watched all three seasons back to back and you are very talented. Keep on working for what you want.

  15. When things go wrong as they sometimes will.
    When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill.
    When funds are low and the debts are high.
    And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
    When care is pressing you down a bit.
    Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.
    Life is queer with its twists and turns.
    As everyone of us sometimes learns.
    And many a fellow turns about
    When he might have won had he stuck it out:
    Don’t give up though the pace seems slow –
    You may succeed with another blow.
    Success is failure turned inside out –
    The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
    And you never can tell how close you are.
    It may be near when it seems so far:
    So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –
    It’s when things seem worst that you must not QUIT.
    (unknown)

    I found this rhyme through surfing in the i-net, while i had bad times in my life. In my opinion you are a great actor. I like your role as Weevil in VM. You convey so many emotions without a spoken word. You made a role of a band leader to a guy, who shows what it means to love, to be angry, to hurt, to be hurt, to be a friend etc… So, trust yourself and someday everybody will see, what i am seeing.
    All the best from Germany!!
    (Sorry for my mistakes in the text, my english is not so good.)

  16. Beckrolicious says:

    You are fabulous! Did you ever get the job? I’m a little behind; forgive me. For being a man without a GED, you sure know how to touch a woman’s soul with your words and smooth poetry. Your passion and your excitement reminds me how I used to be. Please post more blogs, I want to keep feeling this. Thank you!

  17. You are an *extraordinary* actor – one I’ve tracked for years since VM. How good it was to read your words and learn that your heart & soul matches your work: strong, powerful and compassionately clear.

    Know that your Mom is So Right: It’s either your job or it’s not – and if it is you can’t lose it! If it’s not, you can only show up – fully present, shining your light – and know that a seed’s been planted in that room. We REMEMBER when you do that, and the seed grows in ways you can’t imagine. So it’s that job – or something even better – for your highest good & the good of all concerned! That’s how the Universe works – it’s all preparation. I trust that you’ll continue to be a force of nature in this business – just trust the process. We believe in you.

  18. Hay Francis
    I really like what you wrote,cuz it’s so deep and true.Everyone go’s in life through different storms,some cause by a fear and some by a pain,that seams never to go away.And if we have a support of our family,that give us a strenght to go on in life with keeping head high and do our best,iven if we perhaps fail sometimes.It’s not that bad if we fail sometimes,cuz we learn from our mistakes and it’s what make us stronger.
    And look at you,you’r 27 and you’r going through the life with you’r head high,you have you’r loving family that supports you,fans all over the world who admire you.You never had easy in your life,but you go and do you’r thing.And you’r tatoos only make you complete.

    “gOODBYE”
    Years ago you become
    a new shining star
    on the sky and now
    you are lookin down on use
    and maybe wishin yourself
    to be here again.
    Iven if you are up there
    you can see our tears and
    our pain and how
    we try to go in life
    without you by our side.
    It’s painfull to know
    that you are gone
    and you are not coming back.
    But what hurts the most is
    that only a memory left of you.
    All I can say is goodbye
    and hope that someday,
    when my time comes,
    i’ll see you again.

    I wrote this when,my lovin uncle die,who taught me that i should judge people after thay acts and not after how thay look like.Just because someone is having tatoos,that’s dosen’t mean he/she is a bad person.
    I wish you just the best for futur and stay do way you are,cuz you’r the best

  19. That’s a very beautiful and sensitive post.

    If you wrote that then I find you a thousand times more interesting than I ever had before. Now not only do I think you’re a talented actor, but also a very beautiful man. Inside, as well as obviously out. Lol.

    I have a lot of tattoos and I know what you mean about what it’s like having them, except I’m a female. I, too, have neck tattoo about the size of yours, and I’m a petite blonde girl living in a small country area. When I walk through the streets I feel as if I’m the latest attraction for the circus comers. Surprisingly, it gives me a sense of power. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, I thoroughly enjoy myself, lol.

    Anyway, I loved this post. You’re pretty amazing.

  20. Ok, this has NOTHING to do with this post at all 🙂 Sooo many years ago I went to an acting class in LI with a boy and his sister. The boy had told us that he been selected for a role in Free Willy 2.
    I am now a teacher in a school in Hawaii. I encourage my 2nd graders to be active in their learning. They LOVE to ask questions and make connections. We have recently been reading a non-fiction book about dolphins and whales. They have made several text to media connections about Free Willy 2.
    If you happen to be the person I am taking about (or a stranger that would like to help out my kiddos) I would love to skype/speaker phone a conversation with you. I will assure you, they will amaze you with the questions these 6 and 7 year olds have asked about the filming of Free Willy 2.
    Andddddd, as a teacher I am so impressed that they have truly thought about the information they have learned, made connections to the movie, and then thought about questions they have for the actors that encountered the whales.

    I would normally not post such a random question on someone’s blog, but I encourage my students to think about their learning, ask questions, and search for answers. I have tried to contact the studio and I have not had a response. Please know, if you do not respond I know you are most likely super busy and I will not blame you in the least. Just figured I would try 🙂

    Lots of Love and Aloha!

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