“@50cent What’s good 50, I can’t sleep either, and for good reason: I just read for Jesse Terrero and Barbara Fiorentino for a project that I will respectfully not name. I have never sent a message like this to anybody in the industry before, and I probably shouldn’t, especially when it could potentially be read accidentally by a million people: But uh, I don’t really care. If by any chance you DO actually read this, it will save me the time needed to gather the composure to say it to you in person: I channeled just a small particle of the torrential STORM that rages in my mind and spirit, in that small audition room today, and while I want to believe with all of my heart that you will see it, my experience tells me there is always a strong possibility that you won’t. I have never had any training, never studied acting, in fact, often when I am asked what exactly is it that I do for a living, I still find myself reluctant to refer to myself as an actor. Because of some poor decisions, like accidentally spending a million or two and going a little overboard on Tattoo’s, I have found myself repeating the same role over and over, something I only recently have found the strength to admit, is entirely my fault. Fortunately, I still consider myself to be one of the best at what I do, which while some people would call it “Acting”, I can only truly describe it as: giving others a glimpse of my life and who I am. Today, I left a very small piece of myself on that tape, as I do on every audition, but only I know just how powerful, or personal that piece is. I wanted to treat this audition like many of the others I have had this pilot season, but as I write this, its clear that I can’t. I’ve been walking on air ever since I became aware of the possibility of working with you, and the inspiration I have gained from the opportunity alone, is truly humbling by itself. I didnt really see the chance, nor did I have the balls to ham it up and say it on tape, but I have been and continue to be a fan of yours since 98′. Saying that, brings back memories of me and my homeboy sitting in his bucket at 2 am, blasting “Ghetto Quran” and dreaming to one day meet you. At the time we felt like we were the only people who knew that you would eventually become the force of nature that you are today. I don’t believe in coincidence, nor do I believe that anyone is bound totally by destiny or fate. It is never too late to change, or to make things right. As an actor of 19 years, I want to tell you that your recent work and particularly, the extreme acts of passion and amazing dedication to the craft, as well as the difficult decisions and efforts you have made to show the world who you TRULY are, have spoke to me deeply, both as an actor and most of all, as a man. The hardest thing I have ever had to do, was to learn how to be myself. When I see someone like you, who, since a teenager, I have regarded as literally one of the hardest mothafuckas to ever live, sacrificing pieces of himself to pursue his dreams: It tells me that If I can learn to do the same, nothing is impossible. Someday, when we do work together, I will remember to thank you for this, God bless.”

—
-FCC

This week I had the wonderful opportunity of visiting my family back East. I somehow managed to book the role of an intimidating gang leader with a “cage fighter physique” on an early episode of Blue Bloods, airing sometime in September.

Now we all know I’m no stranger to the whole gang leader thing (I actually forgot the name of the show when checking in at CBS Radford!) but when I sized up the other choices present at the audition, I couldn’t help but tell myself to take this one with a grain of salt. I have been making the rounds this year, scoring a dozen or so
auditions for very similiar roles, however this particular one called for a specific body type/look. I was positive that a friend of mine would just blow everybody else out of the water (including me) and even told him this on the way out.

Alas, my old saying regarding the casting process: “This is God’s Game.” has clearly rang true. My girlfriend and I shared quite a laugh the night before going on tape, “With my luck, I will probably get this thing, since it’s a local hire and having to travel to New York on a moment’s notice, PLUS bounce around the city in and out of hotels will be EXACTLY the kind of job I need right now.”

Well kid, ya got what you asked for.

As time goes on, I think I’ve located the pulse of destiny which I believe exists inside the casting room. I had this vague sense that I was just a little ahead of everybody else, despite being severely outmatched in terms of what the breakdown stated was required for the role. I woke up just a little earlier that day, I studied less, barely rehearsed. (about half a page of dialogue in the 2 scenes I was to read)

But somehow, when I fell into my habit of pacing like a tiger outside of the casting office while Nora looks at me like I’m a lunatic, or darting in and out of the bathroom to pretend to wash my hands, only to spit my dialogue at rapid speed in the bathroom stall, I felt this unusual calm. I normally get a burst of courage just moments before slating, but this was different.

It was like a quieting warmth, I never know if I’m going to be the best there is, but on this day, I really knew I was giving the best I have.

As quick as it came, as quick as they all do, it was over even quicker.

It never occurred to me that I would remember this role forever, due to what it would enable me to accomplish in my personal life. I received an offer for the role the next day, a Friday. Unfortunately, that’s when the part of my job that is normally the easiest became a logistical nightmare.

I was told to be in New York by Tuesday the latest, which gave me about one business day to get my finances in order and figure out where I was staying for the next 10 or so nights. Despite the stress, I was grateful to have such a wonderful problem.

After about a dozen phone calls to my incredible team at MSI Management, I had everything I needed for my trip. At this point all I needed to do was to call my Uncle and tell him which terminal to pick me up at the lovely hour of 5:30 AM.

I’ve been in New York since Thursday, sleeping at my grandparent’s house in New Jersey.

These last 4 days have been some of the most amazing, rewarding, simply magnificent days of my life.

I have never felt so admired, so humbled, so loved or so proud in all of my adult life. I am truly blessed to be able to be a part of such a unique and special Family. In my career, the rewards are endless, everyone knows the money is ridiculous. But the bonus that this project provided: The chance to repair the results of years spent away from the people I love most, was simply priceless.

It just so happens that turning 27 marks the year that a lot of the most important men and women from my childhood will enter their 50’s, 60’s or 70’s. Now, this is something that has caused me quite a headache. My mother has now picked up the habit of reminding me that she is 50 years old, when she is not.

Before I left, I started to write a note to leave with my grandparents,
at the time of writing this I haven’t quite finished it, but here is a part that I would like to share with you all:

If there is Divine Design,
behind a Family chain,
then truly,
we are all gifts in a line,
the pressures and weights of our lives,
while they might shift time to time,
just like links in a chain,
we bear the tension together,
I hold my brothers and sisters in place,
and my parents hold mine.

I gain both my strength and my name,
from my parents who birth me,
and support me with their grace,
most have just just a mother and father,
some less,

But I am a special case.
My father’s loss, I mourn,
but when I look upon my mother,
surely a Woman so great,
did more then her part, still to this day,
she filled my father’s place.

I have made it this far, so I can only go farther,
with a family like mine, who’s love is so great
this year I’ve gained a brother and sister,
2 mothers and fathers,
never again will I be afraid,
to leap for my dreams with no rope to hold me,
no, that is not what they’ll throw me, I will be saved
by a chain.

I worried a decade away, could not be regained,
was not there when I could be,
and for that I am ashamed.
But when my worries were worst and I thought I would break, I came home to my family
and they shared in the strain.
I never imagined so much, was always right here to claim,
I gained a brother and sister, 2 mothers and fathers, all in a matter of days.

—
-FCC